I woke up and somehow thought today was Sunday

It’s always hard for me to write first and i was waiting for your letter

Injured myself during sex and I can barely move

I was there the entire time, you just didn’t notice me

I was depressed cause i’ve seen dollar’s exchange rate

I’ve locked my keys in car. The locksmith's on the way, but he said it might be hours before he arrives

We ran out of toilet paper at my house last night, and my Dad isn't feeling so good. He grabbed it in a big rush and I haven't seen it since

I’ve locked my keys in car. The locksmith's on the way, but he said it might be hours before he arrives

Someone changed my e-mail password and i can’t read TRD or find your mail and phone number

I’ve thought everyone was watching new Sherlock episode, so we have 2 more days

There are cops around, i’ll call you later

I’ve met love of my life. But after one week i’ve realised that i was wrong. I’ll finish project in a week

My trousers split on a way to work

Design was finished one week ago, but it was too good for this world, so i’ve decided to do another one, i’ll send it tomorrow

My child/mom/dad is too sick to get out of bed, so I've got to stay home and care for him/her

My cat needed some love and i couldn't leave him

A man came into my house last night and threatened to commit suicide. Well, it turns out he had a split-personality, so it was considered a hostage situation. It was a big commotion. Police, ambulance, everything! I can't believe you didn't hear about it!

Just “woman days” (check if you’re woman before)

VPn was not working

My neighbor called - the water pipes "broke" and basement is flooding. Got to get home ASAP, sorry!

I wasn't able to do my homework this weekend because when I went ice fishing, the heater inside of the tent got too close to the wall of the tent, starting it on fire. And when I ran out of there, I realized that my cat was still in there. My cat was in there because all the small fish that I catch, I just give to my cat. But when I went back for my cat, the fire was too hot. So I spent the weekend morning the loss of my cat

I moved to another house yesterday. had no time to inform you

My spiritual animal is a bear, so it’s hard for me to be awaken this cold winter days

My hair dye went horribly wrong. I don’t want to show up like a hippie

A close family member was in a car accident. I don't know if its serious or not, but just couldn't concentrate at work unless go check on them

I am trying to be less popular. Someone has got to do it!

The dog ate my notebook. Really! It`s no funny!

Leonardo DiCaprio called me to netflix and chill last night

My car was repossessed last night, and I don't have money for a taxi!

A tree in my neighborhood fell into the street, blocking the road. The Department of Transportation will respond as soon as they can, but who knows when that will be?

It's not a bug, it's a feature.

sorry for missing the call my calendar has timezone issues

I was out all day, recruited for alien invasion training. please find certificate at my bench.

i did not have it in my agenda!

It's not a bug, it's a feature.