I woke up and somehow thought today was Sunday

It’s always hard for me to write first and i was waiting for your letter

Injured myself during sex and I can barely move

I was there the entire time, you just didn’t notice me

I’ve locked my keys in car. The locksmith's on the way, but he said it might be hours before he arrives

I was depressed cause i’ve seen dollar’s exchange rate

I’ve thought everyone was watching new Sherlock episode, so we have 2 more days

We ran out of toilet paper at my house last night, and my Dad isn't feeling so good. He grabbed it in a big rush and I haven't seen it since

Someone changed my e-mail password and i can’t read TRD or find your mail and phone number

I’ve locked my keys in car. The locksmith's on the way, but he said it might be hours before he arrives

There are cops around, i’ll call you later

My trousers split on a way to work

I’ve met love of my life. But after one week i’ve realised that i was wrong. I’ll finish project in a week

My cat needed some love and i couldn't leave him

Design was finished one week ago, but it was too good for this world, so i’ve decided to do another one, i’ll send it tomorrow

My child/mom/dad is too sick to get out of bed, so I've got to stay home and care for him/her

A man came into my house last night and threatened to commit suicide. Well, it turns out he had a split-personality, so it was considered a hostage situation. It was a big commotion. Police, ambulance, everything! I can't believe you didn't hear about it!

Just “woman days” (check if you’re woman before)

VPn was not working

I wasn't able to do my homework this weekend because when I went ice fishing, the heater inside of the tent got too close to the wall of the tent, starting it on fire. And when I ran out of there, I realized that my cat was still in there. My cat was in there because all the small fish that I catch, I just give to my cat. But when I went back for my cat, the fire was too hot. So I spent the weekend morning the loss of my cat

I moved to another house yesterday. had no time to inform you

My neighbor called - the water pipes "broke" and basement is flooding. Got to get home ASAP, sorry!

My spiritual animal is a bear, so it’s hard for me to be awaken this cold winter days

The dog ate my notebook. Really! It`s no funny!

A close family member was in a car accident. I don't know if its serious or not, but just couldn't concentrate at work unless go check on them

I am trying to be less popular. Someone has got to do it!

My hair dye went horribly wrong. I don’t want to show up like a hippie

My car was repossessed last night, and I don't have money for a taxi!

Leonardo DiCaprio called me to netflix and chill last night

It's not a bug, it's a feature.

sorry for missing the call my calendar has timezone issues

A tree in my neighborhood fell into the street, blocking the road. The Department of Transportation will respond as soon as they can, but who knows when that will be?

I was out all day, recruited for alien invasion training. please find certificate at my bench.

i did not have it in my agenda!

It's not a bug, it's a feature.